Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
