Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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