Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
