Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
