we have pet lesbian snakes
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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