the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
