a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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