I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
