that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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