is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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