I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
