Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
