I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i dont even know how to be here
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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