Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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