laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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