Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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