We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
