I just pynch a tree in the face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
