so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
