Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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