listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
