I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
