ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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