Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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