I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
