I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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