I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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