oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my poor anus
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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