at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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