Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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