We're facebook friends in real life
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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