He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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