Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i have herpe
just one?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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