my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
