i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
