We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
