The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
