I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
