in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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