I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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