is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
