So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
