I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
