My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you never un-have a 4some
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
