Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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