can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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