weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
