Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
