Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
