guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
